Relationship Commentary Gifts

"I'm rich, you're thin. Together, we're perfect."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

The Map of the Human Heart

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

Tunnel of like.

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Of course the physical side of your relationship's broken down, you've let yourself go!'

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

'I just want to be sure to get this right. You met again your imaginary childhood friend and then happened WHAT?'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."