Relationship Advisory Humor Gifts

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

Reading the sports pages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'