Regulation Realist Gifts

'Sorry to disturb you, only I can't come down the chimney anymore due to new health and safety regulations!'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

"I'm not particular, I'll take any job that will replace a human."

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'

A day at the FULL CIRCLE RANCH

News and Magazines. New Economic Regulations. "New economic regulations" --- What do you suppose they are? "Come to a complete stop"?

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Inbox and Outbox

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Freeway exit signs: Regulation, Deregulation, Reregulation.

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Net Neutrality

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."