Regret Ponderers Pillows

"Sometimes I wish I went to a magnet school."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'I could have made money in the stock market if I had only found the right 'How to invest' book...'

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'Middle managers play tennis.'

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

The Ekert Saga: 'Are you nuts?! If someone locked me in a shed, I'd be furious and want to get revenge!!... Then again, getting angry doesn't make things any better...'

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

'Aren't you done yet? This is taking forever! I should have went somewhere else!...'

A man, walking towards the intersection of ‘Easy Street' and 'Harms Way', runs into the Grim Reaper.

Waking up with a terrible hangover, Joe took a minute to remember what he'd done last night...he spent the rest of his life trying to forget.

I Do Not have OCD

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

"Johnny, strikes out, and will be thinking about this well into his thirties."

Other Walks of Shame

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

'What do you want first - the bad news or the even worse news?'

'On second thought, let's just be friends.'

"Stop getting depressed about the past, you've got to move on."

Institute for Advanced Hindsight - Research into what should have been.

'This whole Bible thing sounds like a conspiracy theory to me!'

"In 5 years I see myself wishing it was 10 years ago."

'If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?' 'Order the chicken.'

The End Was Near.

"He's retired, which means too much husband and not enough money."

'I was sentenced to 500 hours community service- right now, I'm a park bench'

Neck tattoo changed from "NO REGRETS" to "REGRETS"

'It's easy to tell conventional churches from cults, because we ask for 10%, while cults demand 100%.'

"I was young and there were drugs involved so I'm not sure if I actually jumped over the moon.''