Regal Humor Gifts

'I'm taking a course in taxidermy so I'll have something to fall back on in case this whole King thing doesn't work out.'

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

California Beverages Map

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

In baseball we can't practice social distancing when everybody is told to stay at home.

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

King reaching for an apple

Cow Moos With A Jersey Accent

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

"It is not you. It is we."

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

'Sorry about the economy, but I never was very good at story problems.'

Joke of a lover

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

"That's kingsize?"

'And he thinks he's the most powerful being in the land.'