Regal Humorist Gifts

A king returns to his throne to find his dog sitting on it wearing his crown.

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

"It's still the red-carpet treatment, even if it's only remnants."

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

'Some other king called while you were out -- he said it was important.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Sorry about the economy, but I never was very good at story problems.'

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"No, wait a minute. I'm King. You're Rex."

"All rise."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

Emperor Trump and Sultan Erdogan

'Go on then.....Rule!'

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

'Under this blubber, pal, there are abs and muscle you wouldn't believe!'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

King and clown engage in role reversal.

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

"It's boilerplate marriage vows with a pre-nup rider. Just hit the 'agree' button."

'Let's see ... 'several monarchs form group to request World Bank loans' -- 'Kings Around The Dollar'.'

'The chef says the closest thing he has to 'four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie' is quiche.'

'Remember when pitchers would walk on their own to and from the mound?'

Prince

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'