Regal Irony Enthusiasts Gifts

A royal helps their injured footman carry their palanquin

End the Winter Blues

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"I'm terrible with names, but never fail at fingerprint, facial or voice recognition."

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

You're Out Of Order

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

Watch Your Step

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

"Just think of it, Charles – yesterday I was a caterpillar, and tomorrow I'll be dead."

'Need anything today?'

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

We're nocturnal. Do you know any nocturnes?

'I'm a fortune teller Phillip. Music is going to mark a key moment in your life.'

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

'Good news, I've just booked our holiday, it's two weeks in a caravan in Wales.'

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

Venetian without the knowledge

'I see lot's of water...'

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

'No, I haven't told them the telly's gone yet!'

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

You can't go back.

'-a Mister Wison,Accident Insurance to see you.'

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

I'm very impressed with your resume. Especially the part about your inability to make decisions by yourself.