Regal Irony Enthusiasts Pillows

A royal helps their injured footman carry their palanquin

End the Winter Blues

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"I'm terrible with names, but never fail at fingerprint, facial or voice recognition."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

You're Out Of Order

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

Watch Your Step

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

"Just think of it, Charles – yesterday I was a caterpillar, and tomorrow I'll be dead."

'Need anything today?'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

'I'm a fortune teller Phillip. Music is going to mark a key moment in your life.'

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

'Good news, I've just booked our holiday, it's two weeks in a caravan in Wales.'

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

Venetian without the knowledge

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

'I see lot's of water...'

Aklexander Graham Bell, making the first call from New York to Chicago, gets a wrong number.

You can't go back.

'No, I haven't told them the telly's gone yet!'

'-a Mister Wison,Accident Insurance to see you.'

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

I'm very impressed with your resume. Especially the part about your inability to make decisions by yourself.

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"