Lovers Of Irony Pillows

'This should be interesting.'

Eye Test for Doctor

'This is my wife of 42 years...uh...' 'Lisa.'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'Need anything today?'

Holding on by a branch.

Fish caught in a snorkel.

'Your'e going to meet a tall, dark, stranger.'

"Just think of it, Charles – yesterday I was a caterpillar, and tomorrow I'll be dead."

'Mr Stevens, I have good news and bad news for you... The good news is You're not hypochondriac!'

"I told the King that the Queen is the most important piece on the chess board."

'I see lot's of water...'

"Do you ever feel like you're just going through the motions?"

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

'Our first order of business is that we need to elect a president and a vice president!'

A Man with poor eyesight has misjudged the Optometrist's door and smashed into the wall

Watch Your Step

Venetian without the knowledge

"You should get out more."

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

Paradox Pub

Ed's Bar & Grill: Schadenfreude Hour 5-7

'Big Mikey will now add a few bullet points.'

'I'm a fortune teller Phillip. Music is going to mark a key moment in your life.'

'Good news, I've just booked our holiday, it's two weeks in a caravan in Wales.'

'Well done. Your eyesight's better than mine.' (Man is picking his pocket).

'I'm afraid those teeth will have to come out.'

'Could you please hurry, Teller, I need to make a deposit, and quickly.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I forgot to defrost the walrus.'

Mobile phone - literally.

Customer frisks his bank manager, checking his pockets. Manager says: 'I'm sensing that there's a lack of trust here, Mr Trubshaw.'

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

You're Out Of Order