Enthusiast Of Irony Pillows

"Maybe you should have put the rescue note in the bottle rather than just floating it out to sea."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

End the Winter Blues

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'... But, wouldn't that be kind of like, cannibalism?'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

You're Out Of Order

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."