Referendum Raver Gifts

Alex Salmond

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"Like that?"

Welsh airport arrivals.

This is forever... till death do us part...

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

'They met in a revolving door and started going around together.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

Preparing for Casual Friday at the Genome Lab

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'All the tellers are nuns.'

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

'Well, you know what they say about opposite's attracting...'