Referendum Raver Pillows

Alex Salmond

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

"Like that?"

Welsh airport arrivals.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

This is forever... till death do us part...

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

'They met in a revolving door and started going around together.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

Preparing for Casual Friday at the Genome Lab

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'All the tellers are nuns.'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

'Great escapism, Reverend!'