Referee Ringleader Gifts

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

'If it's alright with your agent, Kolwalski, I'd like to hand the ball off to you.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'