Referee Humorists Gifts

'You two, sort it out!'

Gary turns 40.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

The commentators want to run the officials...

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Bobsled Police.

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

The USA football team goes on the offensive.

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

Goal Post Ape.

'Uh-oh. They're bringing in the closer to secure the win.'

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

"I see you have a master's degree and have served 73 unpaid internships. Do you think you're ready for a salaried job?'

"Hockey players no longer fight. They feel saying mean things about each other on social media hurts more."

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."

On this date: Overly enthused and attending an NHL game en masse, the National Parole Board exceeds its mandate.

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'We found the donut to be more of an incentive for him.'

'He's been this way since the Red Sox won the pennant!'