Referee Humorists Gifts

'You two, sort it out!'

Gary turns 40.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

The commentators want to run the officials...

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

Bobsled Police.

The USA football team goes on the offensive.

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'Uh-oh. They're bringing in the closer to secure the win.'

Goal Post Ape.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

"I see you have a master's degree and have served 73 unpaid internships. Do you think you're ready for a salaried job?'

"Hockey players no longer fight. They feel saying mean things about each other on social media hurts more."

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."

'We found the donut to be more of an incentive for him.'

"That's Tom, he spends most of his game in the water hazards."