Referee Critic Gifts

"The refereeing was only half bad... the winning team didn't complain."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

The commentators want to run the officials...

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'