Referee Banter Lover Pillows

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

The commentators want to run the officials...

An Archeologic Dig

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'Here comes Ted.'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"Can we discuss this?"

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'Yeah, but did you hear the crowd roar when I hooked the cape out of your hands?'

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

BEER BELLY

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'