Recipe Satirist Gifts

The 60 Hour Gourmet Recipe For People Who Have Time To Spare And Then Some.

"Two vegans, please."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

The Official Covid-19 Diet

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Beef Stew.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'People soup again?'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Intolerant Chef

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."