Recipe Satirist Pillows

The 60 Hour Gourmet Recipe For People Who Have Time To Spare And Then Some.

"Two vegans, please."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Beef Stew.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'People soup again?'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Intolerant Chef

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances