Recipe Humorist Pillows

"I auditioned for a part in a veggie medley, and I've got a really good feeling about it."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"States of tofu"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Chez Nous Menu

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Ninja bread men"

Wok. Don't Wok.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Would you like some wings?"

Lesser known greek gods,

Cookbooks

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."