Cooking Show Satirist Gifts

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"Two vegans, please."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

The Official Covid-19 Diet

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Great Moments in Culinary History.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'People soup again?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."