Cooking Show Satirist T-Shirts

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Two vegans, please."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Great Moments in Culinary History.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'People soup again?'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"