Satirical Cooking Show Lover Gifts

Jamie's cooking for the holocaust...

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"It'll never be ready in time."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

'We need more cake shows!'

Road Kill Cafe.

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

"When did they add this channel?!"

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

Chefs

"I always see the class as half-baked."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."