Recess Renegade Gifts

Shouting.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Hiding the electronics.

Queen of Upcycling!

That's supposed to say garage sale!

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

Today, a special retro segment of The Fad Herald. It's the Fad Herald. Off the hook! Hey jive turkeys, here's what's not cool: Fossil fuels, dependence on Mideast oil, long gas lines. Here's what's groovy: Solar power, alternative fuels, energy independence. Can you dig? The world is changing, baby! Instead of solar panels, I'm buying a sweet 8-track player. Next week, a look ahead to 2040. What's out: Waiting in long lines to fill up the spacecraft with gas.

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

Music Freak.

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

Female Dominance.

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

Exams

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Mary Quant.

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

Cluster Catastrophe

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

'Your poll numbers were great during recess, but voter apathy at nap time cost you the election.'

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

'Do I look as though I want to play Monopoly?'

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

TV tie-in book signpost.

'I think my work here is done.'

The Mysterious World of Ligand Substitution.