Rebound Relationship Gifts

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

Gary turns 40.

She - Interpreter - He.

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'Your place or mine?'

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

"Remember? I was sitting right up there when you came by and said 'Hi, beautiful!'"

Dating the efficiency expert.

'He's sending 2,400 roses to win her back, and charging it to her credit card.'

"She's about to get him on the rebound."

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

'We don't text anymore.'

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

Too Weird to Have a Husband

"I may not be in for a while, Eddie. My wife and I have decided to normalize relations."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

I keep taking him back because I'm a big believer in recycling

'And you must be Hank, my husband's new business partner!'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

Your relationship can thrive again but you've got to work on it. You've got to experience your feelings and express them. Amanda Kern. Comics counseling. Sadie, when Mort says that President Obama symbolizes a new era of hope and cooperation, how does that make you feel? Nauseated, insulted, disgusted by Mort's Pollyannaish wimpyness. Good, now say it to Mort. Here? In front of you?

Bob tries to win her back with flowers.

Church Drive-Thru.

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

"Please, Dianna, at least give me a chance to rebrand myself."

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

'We need to twerk.'

Why do you need a girlfriend? Because it's nice to hang out with someone. Why? Because you can do fun stuff. Why? Just because. Oh, why didn't you say so? I think I've had a breakthrough.

'I'm sorry, Jerome. Instead of marriage and having kids, I've decided just to have myself cloned.'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

"Call me when you've learned how to have an adult relationship with your apartment."

Sex Games of the Married

"I've got an idea for my comeback."