Rebellious Writer Gifts

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

Join the protest march, I'm lonely.

"Hmmm... there's something not right here..."

Banksy

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

'My philosophy is to sit down and the hell with being counted.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

"Here, take this and give it back to the Man - I don't need your corrupt society anymore."

'All the fourth grade guys took a blood oath not to learn anything during the summer.'

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

High School. I was suspended for throwing a Robert Frost book. They didn't see that it was performance - poetry in motion.

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

Artist paints graffiti: Rembrandt Sucks Eggs!

Reading

'So you're a billionaire... Now what?' 'Have you learned to clean your room yet?'

'His tags were so neat we decied to employ him'

"I feel your writing style is a bit old-school."

'Did you remove all the cliches and slang from your term paper?', 'Like, totally, dude!'

"New Classic Books Revamped for Today's Youth"

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

BOOKSHOP, 'Are you sure you want that, sir? - You don't really look like the Tom Clancy type.'

"And to think we started as a book club."

Salman Rushdie

"Yes, they're all blank. The art of omission, you see."

"I just had the weirdest thought. ... What if our parents are right?!"

'Sure it's an impressive collection. Too bad they're all overdue library books.'

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

"Hold on, Mrs. Martin, you know that book is not on the approve curriculum!!"