Rebate Humorist Gifts

"The 2.3 billion dollar item, is that before or after the manufacturer's rebate?"

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Budget reaction.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"My research on the effects of total inactivity in humans is nearing a breakthrough. Just one more 5-year grant should do it."

'Oh great...another new tie.'

One of Faust's lesser-known bargains.

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

'Yes, that IS a lot of money for just a spay...

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

Useless gifts for elephants.

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

"On the upside, books from the closed libraries can be used to fuel the town hall furnace..."

"Before negotiations begin, we'll soften them up with 15 minutes of cute cat videos."

Will tip for service.

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

"If I change my name to Red Cross, can I keep the donations?"

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.