Bargain Humorist Gifts

One of Faust's lesser-known bargains.

"I traded our milk cow for magic beans which I then traded for a yoga mat."

'Yes, that IS a lot of money for just a spay...

'This is a forty-dollar value for only $39.95!'

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Budget reaction.

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"Please ... let me get a new hair dryer!"

'Stop complaining. We can't afford a car with airbags.'

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

"The 2.3 billion dollar item, is that before or after the manufacturer's rebate?"

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

"You think the movie is scary? Go price the popcorn."

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

Caution! Contents may be horribly overpriced.

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'So, from now on, due to economic conditions, you'll be our son on a contract basis, renewable every year. Any questions?'

"On the upside, books from the closed libraries can be used to fuel the town hall furnace..."

'Maybe we can work out an arrangement if you promise to take me to Disneyland.'

"It's an invitation to your brother's second wedding and even the stamp has been used again!"

"Before negotiations begin, we'll soften them up with 15 minutes of cute cat videos."