Rebate Humorist Pillows

"The 2.3 billion dollar item, is that before or after the manufacturer's rebate?"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

Budget Opticians.

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"Believe me, you're not the first person who thought they were getting a deal by buying generic."

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

One of Faust's lesser-known bargains.

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'Yes, that IS a lot of money for just a spay...

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'Great news! Our credit card limit has been raised enough for us to pay off our bankruptcy lawyer!'

Useless gifts for elephants.

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

Will tip for service.

"Before negotiations begin, we'll soften them up with 15 minutes of cute cat videos."

Woman on train with megaphone, "Oh Geoffrey I do so hate these long goodbyes!"

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.