Rent Humorist Pillows

Island rent due.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

'You must be the new guy, huh?'

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

The lessor of two evils.

"Broken chairs, unmade beds, porridge everywhere... and a one-star review. Worst Airbnb customer ever."

Budget Opticians.

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

'Water is included with rent.'

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

'I´m sorry, but I cannot show you the job description yet. We don´t want to lose you, even before you sign the contract.'

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

Lateral Recruits

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."