Budget-friendly Humorist Pillows

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Budget reaction.

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Budget Opticians.

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

"Baxter, I'm doing an online course in delegating and I want you to sit the exam for me."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

popcorn...

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

'Oh, Honey...I know you want a little addition to the family - But we just can't afford a 48 inch flat screen plasma.'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

'Now, where did I put it?'

Have You Claimed Your PPI?

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

You have back-breaking syndrome. Throw away your credit cards, refinance your mortgage and switch the kids out of private schools into public schools.

'I did the math -- we can't AFFORD to attend the economic summit.'