Rewards Program Humorist Pillows

"Jimmy's not a member of our rewards program."

'He takes his doodling very seriously.'

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

The F.B.I.'s Least Wanted.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

'I'm having trouble with math. Is math an acquired taste?'

"The boss says I've exceeded his low expectations of me!"

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

Happy Retirement

General GI Joe: 'It's about time you were promoted, Joe!'

'You'll have to bring in your own refrigerator.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'These homework patches reduce your cravings. This one is 'Chemistry,' but you can get them in any subject.'

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

"The 2.3 billion dollar item, is that before or after the manufacturer's rebate?"

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

'Why did you offer the job to this one?'

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

'Your bloodwork reveals a slightly worrisome health plan.'

"I got a no TV for a week in math, a no dessert for a month in history, and a just wait 'til your father gets home in social studies."

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

"We've really come up with something, but nine other labs also came up with it this week."