Promotion Humorist Pillows

General GI Joe: 'It's about time you were promoted, Joe!'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

This castle manager job better be for real.

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

'If he applies himself, there's no limit to what he won't be able to accomplish.'

"The thing is, you have to really want to change."

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."