Career Humorist Pillows

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"I'm looking for somebody who thinks big on small salary."

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

'I could have gone to college on an athletic scholarship, but they found out I could read.'

'We don't have a pension plan. Nobody has ever worked here that long.'

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'Ageism at work'

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

'He came in for a job interview three hours ago, and I made the mistake of telling him to make himself comfortable.'

'I'm working here only long enough to add 'Junk Yard Dog to my resume.'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

"Do you have any other qualifications apart from being a cat?"

'Ever thought of applying for a place in a studio audience?'

"He may be a child prodigy, but it's still a lousy C.V."

"You're a bit overqualified for this position, how good are you are forgetting everything you know?"

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

We offer no healthcare benefts but offer several fringes benefits.

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

"Anyway, long story short, I'm a believer in the old adage 'Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life,' so that's why I became an insurance adjuster."

Help wanted, but not really expected.

"I see by your resume you were an honor student features on your parents bumper sticker..."

Sports metaphors

'If you're going to be a rich man's plaything be the best darned rich man's plaything you can be.'

Your CV is rather thin...

'All I'm saying, as your Deserted Island Job Placement Rep, is that you should use this time to stay current on industry trends.'

Bull!

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'

'Employment service? I asked for keypunchers, not cowpunchers!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We'd all like to jump over the moon.'

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

Now playing 'Downsized and out' - a movie based on Ed Benson's resume.