Reality Adjuster Gifts

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Truth

Complexity Made Simple.

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"It looks like we've reached the end of reality..."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

"Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy?" "Well… every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the Big Bang." "It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline." "That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer." "I mean, everything being made up of atoms and math is

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"With all the AI and deep fake technology, I'm not even sure what's real anymore."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

'I'm going to put you in touch with reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.