Real Talk Realist Gifts

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Corrupted Politicians

"The glass is half full."

Felix decides right then to stop sugar-coating his words.

'The following program was made possible by canceling an even WORSE program.'

Cold-calls.

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1

"Where do you see yourself ten year from now?"

"Years are like my previous five marriages. You welcome them with big expectations, but you end hating them."

Poor Man Who Thinks Big...

'I thought opportunity was knocking. Turned out, it was the wolf.'

Reality Check.

Reality Football