Real Talk Realist T-Shirts

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"The glass is half full."

Felix decides right then to stop sugar-coating his words.

Corrupted Politicians

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

'The following program was made possible by canceling an even WORSE program.'

Cold-calls.

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1

Reality Check.

"Years are like my previous five marriages. You welcome them with big expectations, but you end hating them."

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

Wounds...

'I thought opportunity was knocking. Turned out, it was the wolf.'