Real Estate Joker Pillows

"With skyrocketing condo prices these days I can easily get $2.5 million."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Mouse real estate!

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'New in town, hey? Let me show you a great condo tower.'

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Tell me more about Armageddon. I think it may have potential as an exchange-traded fund."

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."