Real Estate Jokesters Pillows

'...I'm looking for real estate in my local market.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"Efficiency tombs available"

'Is the fire included?'

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'