Rant Affinity Pillows

'Before we begin may I emit a prolonged rant about my work week?

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

Lay-Z-Family Recliner

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

'Yes, I love you, but my family would disown me if I cross-pollinated with a weed, so our relationship must end.'

"Why 'Black Death'? Why not 'rodent-related'?"

'This one's got a mahogany finish, easy to assemble and comes with a magical kingdom as standard.'

Has socks and foot stools of every kind sale.

The Pied Piper is mobbed by fans.

The Daily Fury

"Hang on a minute! This is not for us: he's bought himself a pet rat!"

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

Recollections of a Retired Butler

'At least you're not going to have to worry about your denture adhesive anymore.'

Moanathon.

"If you ask me, you can't go wrong with this beautiful bouquet of marijuana."

Smiling rat.

'I can smell a rat, sergeant!'

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

The ultimate in rodent paradise.

A piece of modern art is labelled so that it is hung the right way up.

'Oh Steve! You had the dining area remodeled!'

"Play Misty for me."

Skunk in library reads from the '10 Best Smellers'.

"Can we get some better sconces in here, please?"

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

"You're getting plenty of cardio. You should try some lifting."

I feel so helpless. Fuel price anger counseling – $25. The gas companies could charge me whatever they wanted and I couldn't do a darn thing about it. I'm utterly powerless – a pawn in some sick geopolitical game where I've got no options. What if I can't afford to drive my 6,000-ton SUV two blocks to the gym?!

'Me' Weekly

"I think you'll find the cushions to be very soft sir!"

Menu. Will you do it? It'll cost you -- Two lattes. Fine. Just do it. Ok, stand back. You stupid #*& phone. Stop disconnecting my calls, you #*&% jerk! It needed doing, but I couldn't yell at my own phone. That felt wonderful.

Good clean fun...