Rant Specialist Pillows

'Me' Weekly

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I found the termites!'

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'

The Velvet Mesquite

When cockroaches go unchecked.

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

A dog catcher catching a dog catching a cat catching a bird catching a fly.

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Fighting the Zika Virus

'Ooops. Look at it this way: you won't have to worry about bee mites infesting your colonies now.'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

Flies up the ante!

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Let it go. You have to learn to pick your battles."

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

Product Testing Department

"About time they did something about the rats!"

Spiders all over the place, "Hello, Guiness book of records?"

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

"For heaven’s sake, Rozlyn, just give him the darn plant!"

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."