Ranch Hand Aspirations Gifts

Dang! My shorts are riding up on me again!

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

Girl in cow onesie.

The Day Dreamer.

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'It's your fault. I told you to watch that wet spot.'

Cow duel.

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

Rainbow/Horizon

'Did you want me, boss?'

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'Here's a job that sounds just like mine, oh-oh, it is mine.'

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

Ranch Dressing

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

'Mom, I think it's time I graduated to a full size horse.'

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

Just another day at Helium Farm

el doctor

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

"Who do you want to replace when you grow up?"

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

'Here comes the pimp.'