Railway Buff Gifts

Runaway Train

'He used to be a train driver.'

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

Confusion on the Railways

'Is this the narrow gauge track or a standard gauge track?'

Bloody HS2

"I didn't know they were building a new road here."

S**t Creek Halt

Town and country planning

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

"You can bring in the rest of the fare tomorrow."

"You can have a first class return £257...A standard return for £120...or you can sit on the floor for a fiver..."

Germany's Rail Strike

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

ground force

'There's not a cat-in-hell's chance of missing your train, sir - I'm the driver.'

'Is this the right platform for the Getaway Special?'

Railway suicide - Brought you some lunch, the trains are on strike.

We apologize for the late arrival of your 'Railway Times' magazine subscription...

'No I'm not on the train, the train is nearly on me.'

"And if you see anything unusual please tell..."

Railroad Competition

A Leak in the Channel Tunnel

Railway porter discovers that two men's luggage has gone on to Bristol

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

HS2

Speed bump in honor of JD Yomp 1866 - 1957...inventor of Asphalt

Sushi Train Spotters

"Does the No. 1 stop here and does that go to Penn Station and can I get a train there to Philadelphia and then how do I get to Walnut Street?"

"Is this the Canterbury Train?"