Railroad Buff Gifts

Oftrack - 'It's the body that deals with derailment complaints!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

HS2

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

Speed bump in honor of JD Yomp 1866 - 1957...inventor of Asphalt

"Is this the Canterbury Train?"

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

S**t Creek Halt

A horse driving a Model T tows an Amish buggy.

Attention: Speed Troughs

HS2 time bomb...

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

L.A. Transfer

Auto-Pilot.

"We've been working all the live-long fiscal year to get these numbers up, but I'm afraid some of us are working just to pass the time away."

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

The Train to Nowhere

A train's dining car is a diner.

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

A Cumulonim-bus

Personnel. You did high-tech work in this railroad job? It was a part-time position --- I was a semi-conductor.

'Never mind the three-point turn, just get us out of this damned tube tunnel!'

'A feasibility study has been ordered into a High Speed Submarine link between London and Birmingham.'