Railway Buffs Gifts

"Oh, those are the lobbyists who get us our government subsidies."

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Anorak anoraks'.

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

HS2

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

Sushi Train Spotters

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

"Is this the Canterbury Train?"

The Train to Nowhere

HS2 time bomb...

L.A. Transfer

S**t Creek Halt

"We've been working all the live-long fiscal year to get these numbers up, but I'm afraid some of us are working just to pass the time away."

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

A train's dining car is a diner.

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"

Railway 'King' George Hudson

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

What Holds the Subway Together?

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."

Pound sign on rail tracks.

Hey, wow, Trevor's found a way to trainspot on the internet.

"We utterly condemn the striking railway workers for punishing the people of Great Britain. . . that's our job. . .!"