Railroad Buff Pillows

Oftrack - 'It's the body that deals with derailment complaints!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

Speed bump in honor of JD Yomp 1866 - 1957...inventor of Asphalt

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

HS2

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

"Is this the Canterbury Train?"

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Auto-Pilot.

A horse driving a Model T tows an Amish buggy.

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

HS2 time bomb...

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

Attention: Speed Troughs

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

A train's dining car is a diner.

S**t Creek Halt

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

A Cumulonim-bus

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

Oar-tobahn.

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."