Rail Travel Gifts

Railway Signalman

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

A train says 'Delays' while the board says 'On Time'

Attention... Attention...all complaints about delays to services are now running on time...

Platform Position Plan

"We've been intersnailing."

Priest using his 'Senior Prelates Rail Card'

Virgin Trains - "Don't they go all the way then?"

"Me? A bum? Why, no. I just love trains."

Rail travel - the environmental alternative (that sometimes doesn't allow bikes)

"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"

U.S. Passenger Rail

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."

"I find trains so romantic don't you?"

"I can't afford a season ticket and clothes."

"Jupiter is in the Ram, which is bad news for the 17.23."

Old Moore's Timetable

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Packed like sardines

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

A trevor of trainspotters

I think I can, I think I can ... therefore I think I am...

'Have you been waiting long?'

Lenin, Anticipating His Arrival at Finland Station, Sees His Baggage Taken Off at Beloostrov.

'This Mouse is going to be huge!'

'He's been back packing around India and doesn't he want everyone to know it.'

Latest Railway Marvel.

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

A white collar cow.

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

The next fast train has gone.