Race Official Gifts

Upon review of the finish photo, race officials discovered cheating on the part of Turf King.

'Just stopped off for a few things along the way!'

The Anti-Gun Lobby Olympics.

Frank Williams RIP

Race starter shooting Cameraman with starting gun

Runner lighting rocket on his back.

Finishing Line

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Sloth 10K.

Egyptian Football

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Pole Vault Rules

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Now what?!'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'Are you blind ref?'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'