Racing Official Gifts

He failed the drugs test!

'Knock if off, O'Reilly. You are herewith officially charged with bringing racing into disrepute.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Egyptian Football

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'Are you blind ref?'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Red Card - Gold Card.

'He lost his whistle,'

Footballer playing for time

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'