Quotable Enthusiasts Gifts

"Only two things are certain – death and food."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Jack Gleeson

"Caption contest"

Pile of books for sale with sign: Expired Fifteen-Minutes-of-Fame Books.

Pete never wanted the fame that came with being a national symbol...he just thought it was a good way to meet girls.

George Santayana

"I've decided to redefine as a GREAT artist."

'I inherited therefore I am'

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

Lancelot put to the Test.

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

'To me! Let's party.'

Anne Hathaway

"I wish I had his I.Q.!"

"Boy, that Isaac Newton is one smart cookie!"

"Thank you for coming into the studio tonight, your story is truly a fascinating one, however I've decided our time would be better spent reviewing my meteoric rise to celebrity status within this television network."

Albert Einstein

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, Al. I might have found that quote useful if not for my deadly fear of hobgoblins.

'Actually I never had any desire to go into that field until they built this fence.'

'Of course he answered you with a form letter -- you expect rock stars to know how to write?'

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

They get together, feel sorry for themselves, and eat a spreadable meat concoction. It's a pit, pate party!

"No, I'm afraid that doesn't count."

IRS: 'Life isn't fair.' - John F. Kennedy

"When I grow up, I'm gonna be a rich celebrity!"

'I'd love to be in Who's Who.'

"I'll just sit here looking important - then no one will notice that I can't reach my desk."

Overnight Sensation

Fisherman takes home the mermaid he caught.

'Don't give up hope - Anthony Bourdain is bound to show up sooner or later.'

'People have told me that I bear a striking resemblance to a young Sean Connery.'

"Let me try that!"

"If he's so smart, why does he have to sell his sperm?"