Quirky Prize Seeker T-Shirts

'Most exotic fleas'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Roadkill cookies"

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

International House of Excrement

Regifts of the Magi

Perks

Sniffathon: The Dog world's version of a Kissathon

'Oh no its going to be one of those days.'

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

Fish mobsters.

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"What seems to be the problem?"

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.